Healing Through the Holidays: Finding love among the Triggers

Healing though the holidays and Navigating through the holiday triggers has been extremely exhausting. I am excited to celebrate all these wonderful moments with my little family. I am truly thankful for my side job that has been keeping me positive and busy. My children have had a week off from school. They have been busy with so many activities. And I have been busy gathering my thoughts and ideas for Christmas. With the help of my spouse it was very successful and some good memories have been created.

To me the holidays have always been the most exciting part of the year. Our family is so blessed and we are always so lucky to have some great experiences. His job makes the month of December so joyful and memorable. I keep reminding myself that these feelings of happiness are okay. My validation is not needed I must simply let life happen. They ability to just accept that I am grateful for what I have now. Though it feels wrong. Is this the new normal?

Being grateful for healing

Thanksgiving this year was great. I had an amazing party, I had the honor of hosting this year’s Friendsgiving. A time where my friends all join in on making their signature dishes. And we all indulge in the fun of games and laughter. In this fun moment also showing our children how important it is to have special friends. We have been friends for over 15 years. All of which had been a coworkers. Each all special to me and have contributed to my healing in a special place in my heart. They are my family!

In events like these, it brings me such healing and joy to share my home with friends that became family. I used this lovely set up for us to take pictures with a balloon setting. It was so great to see all of my friends enjoy taking pictures and creating beautiful memories. Moments like these are healing and create a new space of love in my heart.

Finding love among triggers

While being thankful and the great things I have done this year along with our family. I seem to be triggered by the thought of it all being as deceptive. He was so good at lying and pretending. That all of that past memories just linger and stained my heart. How can healing take place when we are still heartbroken. I seem to be okay one moment and then I’m not. It’s hard to tell when these moments will happen. And when they do they throw off days of hard work of healing.

We had an argument after we had reached our last shopping destination. Earlier in the day he wanted to hold my hand and I pushed him away. I know he was shocked and confused. While we were driving I noticed he was looking at women and while that sounds innocent to most. To a woman that is feeling low in confidence and reassurance. It is not the same in how it sounds to you. These specific type of women he seems to be attracted to are always a younger version of me. With similarities that seem so much like me except the age difference.

This week, I found myself spiraling into the past, replaying conversations and wondering how I missed the signs. When those moments hit, I try to remind myself how far I’ve come. Not just as a mother but as a woman determined to heal. I also leaned on my gratitude list. Which keeps me anchored in the now.

Staying focused and healing

The week had been going great. I did not think for a second that I would be triggered. When I do have those moments I have to stop and breath. I try to gather my thoughts and get back to what truly matters. My kids are the center of my universe. They make things better always. Their happiness is what I should be focusing on. Those smiles and little stories that make the end of the day better.

Staying focused on healing is a journey in itself. It takes Time and dedication and strength. Some days I feel so defeated and depressed. I know that it takes time to adjust. When does that trial period end? When is the weak and frail woman in me going to diminish. One thing I have been doing to help me with this journey is writing my feeling down. I have been using this Journal to help me with the things I want to express. Messy emotions that don’t belong at the dinner table. It Has all the right questions to help me process.

While the holiday’s can bring up old wounds, they’ve also reminded me of the strength I’ve gained. My kids are my biggest motivation to keep moving ahead. Our little traditions give me hope for a brighter future. If this season stirs up complicated feelings for you, know that you are not alone. I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your own holiday journey.

Thank you so much for joining me today on Kendra’s Journey to Wholeness. I hope this post has inspired you to perhaps create your own blog. Or if you have any thoughts or experience you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment. And if you think you need help and talk to someone betterhelp.com was my resource. Remember healing is a process, and you deserve to take every step at your own pace. Until next time, take care of yourself! Thank you for taking the time to read. I’m grateful to have you as part of this community.