On the Edge of Hate, Love And Life
On the edge of hate, love and life. Hate I’ve always been told is such a powerful word. That I should not use it as much as I do. As I was growing up I did not lack any love or attention in our household. So the word hate is derived from my experiences. My parents did everything to secure the future of their kids. I don’t often times like to use it but there is sometimes nothing more I can say. I am trying my best to change that, and it began with pain.
What does it mean when love and hate coexist within us? I have truly no idea why they think they belong together. Opposite to what you want to portray to a person. I had to be old enough to understand it is the way people make you feel. The way one receives actions and turns it into feelings. Growing and learning is always going to be a daily life occurrence. Hate will always be a word we use.
I always knew growing up that I was destined for great things. I know that I wanted to be a leader. At a young age I knew that independence ran in our family. My father is his own boss and runs his company to this very day. His independence and strength to be solely his own boss was inspiring to me. Love was always in my home, I knew that we were not perfect as a family. But we had so much to be thankful for and so much great opportunities.
To Love From Seeing Love
My mother is to this day a strong woman. She is hard working and also very business driven. She loves my father unconditionally. I learned how to be a wife from her. My mother loves us so much, she sacrifices a lot of her time to give to us everything. That was love in my eyes, love that is truly unmatched. She has such a tender soul and infectious personality.
To every strong woman there is a deeper understanding of what she is truly made of. Like any person, you are what you experience. I experienced love when I first met my husband. That love was different, it was so innocent and pure. It was not like when you are a teenager. Those relationships teach you and give you the lesson curbs to prepare for, but the hate for it develops. When you are married that love is a level of experience that is the pinnacle of your future. When you have children the love then goes even further.
I believe motherhood continues to teach me how to love in the most purest way. It brought me to the edge of hate, love and life lessons. Hate carried in me from past experiences that left me traumatized. The belief that love can save anything. Working and finding my purpose was difficult. Hate was ingrained in my journey. Often I times hate that I can always see what I am destined for. But only to be stopped in my tracks because life happens.
On the Edge Of Life
Falling out of love with his affair feels like reaching the edge of a cliff. It’s a place where no one, man, woman or anyone should be. I expected my life to be different. Different in the respect of it being not how I saw the people around me lived. No relationship I saw growing up was pure or blissful. No real talk of how does one work it out. The guidance and real transparent talk of how to handle a broken heart. That sometimes it is okay to hate and love someone at the same time.
When you suffer from a broken heart, hate is often the first word we run to. Where is love? We run and shy away from it. There is a balance that we teach ourselves in situations like this. We don’t realize it as we are living in the moment. When we have time to think, we realize how strong we are. How much balance and weight we can take.
A Call To Reflection
Love and hate can exist at the same time in moments of betrayal or loss. Joy and pain often arrive side by side. Finding a moment of laughter in pain or during a hard time. I hate the idea of starting over, of rebuilding my life after everything fell apart. But in that space, I found freedom. I found the freedom to rediscover who I am. I’m embracing a new version of myself I never knew existed.
If someone had told me ten years ago that I’d be here, writing this. I would have laughed -or maybe even cried. But life doesn’t wait for us to plan it. If unfolds in ways that challenge us, reshape us, and ultimately teach us to live fully in the moment. Life’s complexity has taught me that it’s not about avoiding pain or chasing happiness. It’s about holding space for both. Love and hate, joy and sorrow-they’re all part of this beautiful, chaotic human experience.
On The Edge Of Life
When you are suffering from a broken heart life becomes more difficult. Do we make it difficult? Are we the ones that stop our own path of happiness? Can life be any more cruel when you are down? I often time ask myself, how did these rules of life come about? I have so many questions to so many answers I need. I’m hoping that as I navigate my way through this I find answers that will satisfy me. Hoping and praying for light that shows how beautiful life truly is.
No one wants to live life in anxiety or depression. I want to be happy and joyful as i was. I’m pray for my mental health everyday. How ever Living life now seems to be more of a panic than joy. Do I do this to myself? I most certainly don’t mean to. Have I got what it takes to push through this? Why do I keep thinking of torment than joy. I have been practicing a new way of embracing my struggles. Talking things in the moment rather than arguing seems practical. Practicality is often times not my first choice.
Being able and willing to commit is hard. But often times I embrace the truth that I am stronger than I feel. I can be stronger than I look. But in order for me to feel these things I must accept my path. The path of healing allows me to rediscover who I am. I am rediscovering myself as a woman, as a mother, and most importantly, as his wife.
Thank you so much for joining me today on Kendra’s Journey to Wholeness. I hope this post has inspired you to perhaps create your own blog. Or if you have any thoughts or experience you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment. And if you think you need help and talk to someone betterhelp.com was my resource. Remember healing is a process, and you deserve to take every step at your own pace. Until next time, take care of yourself! Thank you for taking the time to read. I’m grateful to have you as part of this community.