The Affair And Lies Of Life

He tried to talk to me like I was some sort of child. Almost in the sense of trying to convince me that work was so important and he needed to do this. I did feel selfish not wanting him to go. I thought to myself, come on girl its just work. But…my whole being felt some sort of vibration that just did not feel good. I went into my room and sat on the bed and started to cry.

I’m not sure why I did that but I did. He got on his phone was texting. I asked him “who are you texting”. He looked flustered and nervous. In that very moment I just knew. This is not the man I married. This is not the man that I fell in love with. I knew from that moment he was lying to me. With every fiber in my being I felt so broken. Held out hope. hopping I was just being a little too jealous. Praying that I was just overthinking and that I would be embarrassed after all was said and done.

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation”.

Elizabeth Gilbert

I remember screaming at him to tell me who it is. Screaming so loud that I forgot my children were home. His face grew terrified of me. Almost like he knew (go figure) that I would be angry about the affair. When the words came out of his mouth. It was like I was living out an episode of a movie. Like the director was going to yell out “CUT” and it would all just be make belief.

Emotionally Broken

He said to me “Yes, I am talking to someone. I’m having an affair with her. I wanted to tell you.” He proceeded to tell me her name and how he has been talking to her for months. While I was sick laying in bed almost dying. I thought of how I went and did cosmetic surgery to be more appealing. How I wanted to always be everything to him. I wanted to be how it was when we first met. We couldn’t get enough of each other.

That passion and experience that was yes fading but I was trying everything. I always felt so confident in him. I grabbed his phone from him and read some messages. And all I can say is that those are engraved in my memory. Experienced people say that these things get better and fade away in the background. I honestly don’t know how they do it, I guess I will have to find out.

I read those messages and I felt a pain in my heart that was so powerful and gripping. It was hard to see how he spoke to her and about his family. How he wanted to leave us and live with her. How he couldn’t wait to leave me and finally be free. Like if the life he had was so hard and never once did he ever enjoy anything with me. When I look back on the things he said, it reminded me of how men are just plain stupid. The things he wrote never for my eyes to see were just plain hurtful.

Do My Eyes Deceive Me an Affair?

Can’t erase those ever from my brain. Its not easy being me. The trials and tribulations that I at a young age went through only to be hurt all over again. I cant speak for men in this situation, but for women I can only say we hurt deeply and painfully. An affair is one of the worst fears I hoped to never had experienced.