The Affair And Lies Of Life

Read those messages and it threw me through a whirlwind of emotions. I saw the pain in his face his body language. The first thing I did regretfully is leave the house. I left in such a panic and rage. Jumped in my Jeep and drove. I had no clue where I wanted to go. I just knew that I had to leave or I would of hit him. And I somehow ended up on the driveway of my friend’s home who lived close by.

I had called her before in panic and she had no clue what was happening. Half way to her house I stopped in the middle of the road I was swerving from left to right. My children! I forgot my children! This part of this story will forever haunt me. I called my mother in law to go look for them and I told them what had happened. That their son left his family to go have and affair in a completely different country. They were in disbelief, but assured me the would go pick them up. It all happened so fast and quick. I cant even imagine what they were thinking. There I was driving and out of my mind.

Fight or Flight?

I had no clue if I should leave or stay? That question has still been on my mind. Some say if you wanted to you would have. I guess I don’t really know the answer to that quite yet. It has been over a year now, but the pain of it still lingers and stains my days. To think that he has been talking to someone on intimate things we shared. To know that my husband found love and comfort in the arms of a girl half my age. Being told that someone who is barely into their 20s a replacement of a mother and wife. After all the obstacles him and I have been through.

Over the course of our marriage it has not been easy with money and work and stability. And to just be told that you know longer make him feel loved and appreciated. When that is all I have given this man. All of me, and my body to make children that we so desperately wanted. I felt so betrayed and worthless. Still feeling the same way to this day. I find it hard to pick up the pieces of my heart. An affair? At this stage in our lives?

Who Am I?

I find myself compelled to just break free and find me. So much of me has been wasted into pouring life into others. When do I get to be poured into? When do I get to have love and admiration shined on me? The world is such a cruel place to women that have to go through this. I gave up my career to help him shine and to raise our girls. That I will never regret, but at times I do. To further explain that, its just the sense of who would I have been? I had a bright future in what I was doing. But God had other plans for me.

Friendships Are A Blessing

Love is not an easy road. They say that love can be a beautiful thing. I do truly believe that. I hope that I can someday feel that again. It’s not like I haven’t but when you are hurt and broken. It is hard to come back from that form the one person who vowed to love and support your unconditionally. When I arrived at her house I just fell to the ground. It was one of those moments in where I was not sure if I was dreaming.

She quickly asked me if anyone died. And I am sure she asked me a series of questions that I don’t remember. If I remember correctly I did tell her on the phone but I just cant remember everything. What I do know is that I was safe and just needed some space. I called my other friend on the way to her house as well. I said “he cheated on me, he’s having an affair! She quickly dropped what she was doing and said get to where I was going safely. Can’t tell you how many people I tried to call. I thought of my mom. I thought of my dad. Ultimately for whatever reason they were the two people that I called.

Appreciate The Positive Women Around You

Blessed with an amazing group of girlfriends. I am truly blessed in that way. I don’t have any sisters, I have sisters from God. They have truly been the souls that have saved me from so many decisions. If you have people like that in your life. I suggest you keep them close! They truly make a difference in your life. No matter how little or small it can be,

Thank you so much for joining me today on Kendra’s Journey to Wholeness. I hope this post has inspired you to perhaps create your own blog. Or if you have any thoughts or experience you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment. And if you think you need help and talk to someone betterhelp.com was my resource. Remember healing is a process, and you deserve to take every step at your own pace. Until next time, take care of yourself! Thank you for taking the time to read. I’m grateful to have you as part of this community.